


Awake and Pretty Much Sober

by walnutwhale



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, Angsty teenage Reylo, F/M, Luke is a cockblock, Reylo - Freeform, Smut, Smut shack, Video Sex, Video chatting instead of force bond, modern day AU, we've all been here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-16 21:22:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13062399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walnutwhale/pseuds/walnutwhale
Summary: Modern day AU! Rey is a troubled orphan taken in by a weird old hipster farmer who has an angsty, mysterious nephew. Video chatting commences. Sooo much smut in later chapters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first Reylo!! I've been Reylo since TFA, but TLJ inspired me in a fevered sort of insane way I cannot even express. This is also my first AU! The idea of Ben and Rey up late skyping was too adorable not to explore.
> 
> There will be a couple more (super smutty) chapters of this, I promise.

It had been a long day.

 

Rey sat perched precariously on the edge of her rickety bed, bent into a distorted shape as she tried to yank her tight boots off of her calloused and blistered feet. Her gloves lay discarded on her threadbare comforter, her hair was damp and stringy with sweat, a smudge of dirt was across her face. Luke had worked her hard that day - testing her limits physically and mentally… by making her do yard work. 

 

With a groan of frustration, her boot finally pulled free of her swollen foot and was thrown into the corner of her small room, forgotten immediately. She immediately peeled her grimy socks off and looked in disgust and annoyance at the blossoming blisters on the balls of her feet - what did Luke think she was, his personal servant? 

 

“Hard labor teaches discipline, discipline helps to foster serenity.” He had said to her smugly that morning as he shoved a garden spade and a wheelbarrow in her hands. “You could use a little serenity in your life.” 

 

This had prompted an eye roll so epic that Luke had snipped “be careful, your eyes might get stuck like that” before Rey had stomped off to hack at weeds in the blistering sunlight. 

 

She had come to be with Luke a year prior. An old, hermitted man, it was completely confusing to her as to how he had been approved to foster “troubled teens”… yet here she was. He lived alone on a plot of self sustaining land, growing his own crops, brewing his own beer, milking his own cows, building his own structures. He seldom spoke, but when he did it was to impart “great knowledge” upon his reluctant student - and though she was loathe to admit it, Rey did soak up his “isms” like a sponge. In a way she was quite fond of the eccentric old crackpot, but she kept her feelings close to her chest and rarely showed fondness. 

 

"That sort of withdrawal tends to happen when you’re raised by addicts and dropped at the front porch of a fire station when you’re three years old", Rey’s state appointed therapist had told her. Afraid of love, of affection, but desperately desiring it at the same time. Desperately looking for family and belonging in any and all people and situations, but never finding the answer to that ache inside. 

 

She had always been self sufficient and a loner, so being on Luke’s farm really did suit her. They worked together often in comfortable silence, hauling rocks or grooming the animals, and in their down time Luke taught her about literature and music and one of his more peculiar specialties - fencing. Rey loved the sword fighting lessons the best - they centered her in a way she desperately wanted. 

 

Yes, she may be annoyed with how hard he worked her, but Rey knew that Luke truly did have her best interest at heart. He wanted her to succeed in life after a hard childhood. 

 

These musings had followed her through the motions of cleaning up from a day of hard work, and now she sat again on her bed, except this time with dripping wet hair, wrapped in a towel, the freckles the sun of the day had brought out on her nose and shoulders loudly apparent. She was putting bandaids over the blisters on her feet when a familiar chime sounded from her computer. 

 

_*bri-iinggg, bri-ngggg*_

 

Rey was scrambling across her bed to snatch her laptop before she even knew what she was doing, hitting the green “accept” button with clumsy fingers. 

 

And then suddenly _he_ was there, filling up her screen, and despite herself her breath hitched. 

 

“Rey…” His voice was low and full of purpose, but suddenly his eyes widened and he brought his hand up to his eyes. “Rey! You’re… only in a towel.” 

 

She felt blood rush to her face - she had been in such a hurry to answer his call that she hadn’t even realized - but in an attempt to save face she snapped “yes, and? Some people DO shower you know.” His face reddened at that, as well: he remembered the first time they had met, when he was sweaty and awkward with greasy black hair, shuffling dejectedly behind his mother while wrapped up in swathes of black fabric that were entirely inappropriate for the sunny day. “What’s that smell?” Rey had asked, and he had been so hurt and angry that he stomped off to the barn to punch hay bales for half an hour. 

 

Ben was Luke’s nephew. He had been at odds with Rey from the moment that he met her - he apparently had a strained relationship with his Uncle and possessed a mix of jealousy and bitterness towards the strange orphan girl that was suddenly taken in like a bizarre sort of stray dog. The two of them traded vicious barbs over the first few weeks of knowing one another, but for some reason they kept texting, and then calling, and then finally video chatting. It had become a near nightly ritual, and their venom had taken on new life: fondness rather than cruelty.

 

He was obviously self conscious at her words, but he wasn’t going to let her best him. He relaxed his shoulders and smoothed his facial expression, running one large hand through his mop of dark hair - and Rey did have to admit, it looked much cleaner than it had months before. Her voice softened, and she moved her laptop, positioning herself more comfortably before it. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s nothing.” He grunted, not really looking at the screen. 

 

“Anyway, uh… Ben, what did you want?”

 

Whatever the dark eyed young man was studying off of the screen suddenly became a thousand times more interesting and he fidgeted slightly, not saying a word. Just as the silence was becoming deafening, his eyes snapped back to the screen with resolve and fire burning in them. “Can’t I just call to say hello?” His low voice was grumpy but restrained, and it left Rey with more questions than answers.

 

“Well, yes.” She admitted, cocking her head curiously. “You just usually want to rant at me about something inane or just be generally insufferable.” There was an edge of teasing to her voice, but he still stiffened up and closed his facial expression off yet again. Gods, couldn’t he take even a bit of light ribbing?

 

“Why don’t you put some clothes on.” He changed the subject, looking off to the side of the screen again.

 

“Why?” Countered the brown haired girl sitting in naught but a towel. “Am I distracting?”

 

Fire shot up Ben’s face and his slightly too large ears burned crimson. “I… uh…” Then suddenly his eyes snapped back to the screen and it felt like he was boring into her very soul through strings of data. “Yes.” 

 

A strange feeling washed over Rey’s body - like she had simultaneously been doused in ice water and set on fire - and an odd prickling twinged deep in her core. “I… uh… oh.” She reached up for a piece of damp brown hair and twined it around her fingers, looking at the water stained ceiling of her modest bedroom. 

 

A loud exhalation from her computer snapped her eyes back to the screen, and she caught Ben staring at her with a peculiar expression on his face. “Rey…” His voice was suddenly softer than she had ever heard it, and it thrilled her to the bone. “Rey, you’re just so, so beautiful.” 

 

It felt like the world had been knocked out from under her, and it took her a moment to regain what felt like any sort of balance or normalcy. To her horror, she peeled out a string of hysterical laughter. “Hahaha! Oh, Ben, that’s low, even for you.” He was teasing. He was teasing, right? He was just making fun of her?

 

He looked hurt, slumping his shoulders and furrowing his brow. “Low? Rey, I… I mean it. You’re beautiful. You’re radiant. I can see your freckles even with your blasted low quality webcam. My uncle must have had you working outside today?”

 

It took the lithe young woman a moment to catch her breath - he wasn’t joking? - until she bobbed her head in affirmation and gulped, trying to wrestle with the sudden and confusing feelings rushing up into her throat; the burning in her core that made her feel itchy and agitated. “Yard work again.” She groused, but the usual complaining tone wasn’t there - she was still trying not to acknowledge what had just passed between the two of them. Yes, they had slowly become kinder to one another but it was a sort of begrudging truce. They had started to open up about their fears, and struggles, and pain, but they always returned to the insults and jabs - it was their normalcy, their security blanket. It was normal, and made sense. This… this was uncharted territory.

 

She had only met Ben twice. The first time had been brief, and he had glowered heartily at her after he returned from the barn, knuckles bleeding and hay in his hair. Rey had been around enough damaged people in her life to see the darkness inside the tall youth, and she had steered clear, ignoring him at dinner and engaging with his pleasant and serene mother instead. But she had felt his hooded eyes on her all night, measuring and thoughtful. 

 

It wasn’t until after dinner that she had confronted him in the kitchen - they had both been banished to do the dishes while the twin adults had cocktails and spoke in low voices in the modest front room. 

 

“What is your PROBLEM with me?” She had spat, snatching a plate from his large hands to dry it furiously.

“MINE?” He had bellowed at her, looming over her tiny frame. “I’M not the one who randomly shows up to butter up my uncle and then INSULTS his nephew upon first meeting! Didn’t they teach you any manners at whatever shit hole orphanage he found you in?!”

That had stung, and she was silent for a long minute, blinking tears from her eyes. 

“I didn’t ask to be here, but anywhere is fucking better than where I was before.” 

 

A flicker of regret had passed across Ben’s face at that admission, but before he could mitigate the damage he had done Rey had thrown down a handful of silverware in a cacophonous clatter and stormed from the room, leaving behind the scent of citrus soap and a confused and angry Ben.

 

Ben had been harboring a seed of guilt at the cruel words he flung at Rey in that kitchen, and after weeks of deliberation he had messaged her an apology online. She accused him of being a stalker and used some very choice words, but that seemed to soften her to him - and soon they were texting nonstop. The texting led to phone calls, and several nights a week they would fall asleep with their phones tucked against their ears and awake to the sound of the other one breathing.

 

It was after two weeks of these calls that they saw one another in person again, this time on Ben’s own turf. Luke had taken Rey along on one of his rare runs “into town”, and they had stopped by his sister’s place to pick up some pillows and clothes she insisted Rey needed. “You know nothing about taking care of a teenage girl” she had heard Luke’s sister - Leia - chastising him when they arrived, and she ducked her mouth behind her hand to hide her wry smile. It was true, Luke was rather rough around the edges - but she liked that he didn’t coddle her. She wasn’t sure she would know what to do with that sort of treatment, anyway.

 

The adults immediately stalked off, quietly bickering, leaving Rey to stand awkwardly in the doorway - until the hair on the back of her neck prickled and she raised her eyes to the top of the staircase to see Ben peering down at her. “Hello, Rey.” His baritone voice had washed over her and given her a thrill to tuck away and examine for later.

 

“Hello, Ben.” 

 

He regarded her for another long, heavy moment, then with a nearly indiscernible twitch of his hand he beckoned her up the stairs. His gaze was heavy upon her as she ascended, unblinking and too intense, and just when she felt she was to suffocate beneath it he turned tail and stalked into a low lit room. 

 

Cautiously, Rey made her way to the doorway and lingered there, peering in and what could be nothing except his bedroom. Draped in shades of black and crimson, heavy with the smell of sandalwood, piled high with books and cameras and canvases. “Well?” He glowered at her from his seat upon the bed. “Come in.”

 

That day they had sat awkwardly cross legged on his bed together, facing each other, talking about all manner of things. By the time Luke was ready to go, Rey wasn’t - but she pretended she wasn’t enjoying herself and left with a nonchalant “bye”.

 

That night Ben had video chatted her, and they continued their conversation from the day for hours into the night.

 

Which brought them to the now: Rey in a towel, staring through a computer screen at a young man who usually did everything in his power to wound her… who had just called her beautiful. Luke often quoted obscure philosophy about the paths in life, and she felt she was at a very peculiar crossroads at this very moment.

 

She took a deep breath, and made a choice. 

 

Ben was still staring at her with heavy lids, observing her with a fierceness she had never witnessed from him before. She was going to rise up to meet this challenge. 

“Ben.” Rey’s dulcet voice was resolved, calm. “Take your shirt off.”

 

Whatever he had been expecting her to say, it wasn’t THAT, and his computer bounced wildly as he hit the bottom of his desk with his knees with a loud THWACK. He stared at her through their connection, completely scandalized. “WHAT?!”

 

She wasn’t going to back down. Too long had Ben held power within their dynamic - she felt like an imposter in the lives of these people, like she SHOULD be punished by Ben for pulling his uncle’s affection and attentions away from him - but that was completely wrong. In this narrative, it was just she and Ben: and she was going to be the writer of her own story. 

 

“Take off your shirt. I’m not wearing a shirt, it’s only fair.”

 

Ben stilled, regarding her in much the way that a wild horse might. “Are you being serious right now?” 

 

A wicked smile passed Rey’s face before she stilled it back into serenity. “Yes. Take your shirt off.”

 

Hesitantly - and still staring at her intensely, perhaps to discern any change of resolve in her - Ben reached his hands up and began to unbutton his black shirt. Rey watched, enraptured, as the silky fabric fell open to reveal a surprisingly sculpted alabaster chest, and with a final moment of hesitation he shrugged the clothing off of his broad shoulders.

 

Her breath hitched in her throat for many reasons: one, because he was _beautiful_ … but also because his chest, stomach, shoulders and upper arms were scattered with a myriad of angry red scars. Rey immediately felt tears prick her eyes.

 

“Ben, oh god, _Ben_ , what happened.”

 

He broke eye contact - she felt shame emanating from him even through their digital connection. One of his hands moved up his chest to cover some of the scars defensively, and she had a sudden overwhelming urge to reach out and trace them, to kiss them all better. 

 

“I… happened.” His voice was gruff with emotion. “I… I need the pain. It reminds me I’m alive.”

 

A dry sob escaped Rey then, and she clapped her hands around her mouth in horror - she didn’t want him to think she pitied him. Her eyes bore into him through the screen, begging him to understand that she KNEW, she got it, she wasn’t judging him, similar monsters lurked inside of her as well. 

 

“I’m sorry.” She breathed deeply, unshed tears glistening in her amber eyes. “I’m so sorry.” 

 

Ben suddenly looked bashful, embarrassed, uncomfortable. “It’s… okay. I… I don’t mind sharing this part of me with you. You’re… the only one who knows.”

 

Her heart suddenly swelled to be too big for her chest, and she leaned closer to the screen, surpassing miles between them with just one look. “I’ll keep you safe.” She promised, earnestly, and Ben knew she meant it. 

 

Then there was silence, with only their breathing filling the sounds coming from their computer speakers for a couple of minutes. They just looked at one another, marveling within some sort of spell that seemed to have been cast, and Ben’s fingers twitched as if he longed to touch the freckle kissed shoulders of this strange orphan girl.

 

Rey noticed this subtle movement, and her own small hands moved to her arms, eye contact still fierce and defiant with Ben as she began to lightly dust her fingertips over her flesh. Goosebumps raised on her skin as she skimmed her fingers over her throat, her collar bones, along the strong line of her jaw. Ben’s eyes followed her in enraptured disbelief, his hands balling into fists, his breathing becoming shallow. 

 

Delicate fingers carded through still damp hair, calloused hands traced her lips. She wished they were his, and she knew without a doubt by the way that Ben was watching her that he did, too. There had been a shift between them, a spark of understanding, a secret shared and not spoken, and suddenly she burned white hot for him. It was too much to dwell on, so she didn’t. She just FELT. 

 

Slowly, her hands cupped her small breasts through the fabric of the towel covering them, and as she pushed and kneaded at them Ben’s breathing became shallow and his hand inched down his lower stomach. His eyes were burning with yellow hot hunger, and Rey felt like she couldn’t breathe. 

 

A sudden shyness overtook her and her hands stilled, and Ben’s expression became intensely pained. “Please.” He begged, desperation and longing written across his face, an ache inside of him. “God, PLEASE, Rey.”

 

“Yes.” She whispered, and let the towel drop from around her slender form.

 

The heat of his gaze, the movement of his hand ever downward was the last thing she saw before a loud banging on her bedroom door made her nearly jump out of her skin and slam her laptop shut. Luke’s voice rang from the hallway: “REY, DINNER TIME!” 

 

She cursed under her breath in every language she knew. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE COMMENTS!! You all made me write this so much faster - a chapter a day, go me! Your support means the world to me. I've missed writing fic! 
> 
> There's an incredible amount of angst in this chapter - my lil angsty Reylo bbys - but the slow burn smut is coming soon, I promise. TWs for physical and sexual abuse mentions.

In the time it had taken Rey to slip on a simple camel colored slip dress, a vest, and a pair of boots, Ben had sent her a string of text messages with increasing franticness and desperation.

 

(7:48) _Rey?_

(7:49) _Rey, is everything ok? What happened?_

(7:50)  _…_

(7:52) _Is this some kind of sick joke? Were you just messing with me?_

(7:53) _I can’t believe I was so foolish._

(7:53) _I let myself hope… no._

(7:54) _Who put you up to this? Has this entire thing just been to break me down to my base levels only to drag me further into a pit of despair?_

 

The constant pinging of her phone could not be good news, and Rey’s heart sunk as soon as she looked at the screen while she simultaneously burned with anger and annoyance. The three little dots that showed that Ben was still typing were up in the chat window, and a sick part of her wanted to let him self destruct after assuming so little of her so quickly… but the big hearted side of her won out. She knew what it was like to be so terrified of being alone. 

 

(7:55) **Ben. Stop.**

 

He stopped typing, and Rey leaned against her door to tap out a message, biting her lip as she tried to figure out what to say to calm him down. 

 

(7:56) **Your uncle almost barged in on me!! I’m sorry. I have to go have dinner. I promise, we will talk about this after. Don’t worry.**

 

She hit send and was about to slip the phone into the pocket of her vest, but she paused, a wicked thought crossing her mind. She knew what would assuage Ben’s insecurities better than words ever could… 

 

Bouncing over to the small mirror above her dark wood vanity, she looked at her own reflection with amber eyes. She allowed herself a moment of ego, smoothing a hand down her humble curves, fussing with her still damp hair so it hung alluringly over her shoulder. Then she pointed her phone at the mirror, pulled her cotton dress down from one of her breasts, and snapped a photo. Appraising her handiwork, she nodded: it would do. He had just seen her breasts, anyway. It wasn’t THAT forward… was it?

 

A sudden wave of insecurity and shyness crashed around her like waves, and she felt blood rush to her face. Her finger hovered over “delete”, but then another text from Ben pinged her phone.

 

(7:59) _I don’t know how to believe that you want me, too._

 

Stricken again with courage, she sent him the cheeky selfie with the caption: “Do you believe me now?” 

 

It felt like her breath was stuck in her lungs, but she attempted to calm down by counting her breaths how Luke had taught her to do when he had told her about meditation many months before. Luke loved meditation - he had a sun room in his home full of plants that he meditated in every morning, and sometimes Rey would join him. She enjoyed the quiet company, the feeling of wiping her mind of all of the pain she had endured in her lifetime and just EXISTING. Shoving her phone back into her pocket, she willed her mind to still and _not_  completely melt down about what she had just done. It was going to be _fine_ , if she thought about it too much there was the path to true madness…

 

“REY!!” Luke’s voice roared down the hallway again, and she released the breath she had been holding. 

“COMING!” 

 

~~~~~ 

 

Dinner with Luke was always a quiet affair. The old man didn’t talk much - he had told Rey once it was because he was listening to his food, whatever that meant. He believed eating should be an _experience_  - which is why he raised all of his own food. He said it connected him to it in a very human way that had been forgotten by modern society. 

 

Having been raised on cafeteria mush, tv dinners, or going hungry (depending on which foster home she was in), Rey didn’t argue with his food habits - though she found him a bit exhaustingly pretentious at times. However, this was the best foster home she had ever been in, and she wasn’t about to squander this opportunity by telling her guardian his ideas were pedantic. 

 

However, during this meal Luke was surprisingly engaged. He peered at Rey curiously under his mop of grey hair as she sat hurriedly down at the oak table - hewn by his own hands, of course. “You’re late to dinner. You’re NEVER late to dinner.”

 

“I was busy.” Rey mumbled, attempting to appear unaffected, but a hot blush crawling up her neck betrayed her instantly. 

 

Luke leveled his gaze at her evenly for a moment too long, then speared a green bean on his fork and chewed on it thoughtfully, still looking at the teenage girl across from him - who by now was fidgeting under his scrutiny. “Were you talking to Ben again?”

 

Rey tried not to choke on the drink of water she had just taken and willed herself to remain still. “Hm? Ben? Oh…. him. Yeah, we talk.” She was very pointedly NOT making eye contact with Luke’s pale blue orbs.

 

“I know you talk. You talk a LOT. Were you just talking to him now?” His voice seemed nonchalant, but there was an edge to it. Rey knew that somehow her answer was going to be very important, and if she minced the truth there would be consequences. 

 

“Yes.” She answered honestly, finally making eye contact with the grizzled man, taking a deep breath. “Why?”

 

Luke stared at her thoughtfully, measuredly, and took another bite of his dinner, chewing slowly. He took a deep drag from his home brewed beer before speaking again. “Rey, I just want you to be careful with him. There’s darkness in that boy.” 

 

A sudden rush of anger caused Rey’s head to feel hot and detached from her body, and she gripped the edge of the table so hard her knuckles turned white. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

 

Sadness passed through Luke’s eyes - and something else - pity? Fear? “I know him much better than you think, Rey. Did you know he used to live here, with me?”

 

She blinked in confusion - Ben had never mentioned that to her - but tried not to let Luke see her inner turmoil. “He will tell me things when he’s ready.” 

 

A heavy sigh escaped the old man and he suddenly seemed to crumble, looking very much his age for a moment before straightening again and regaining his commanding presence. “I cannot make you listen to me, and I know you will walk your own path, but Rey… you are a brilliant, brightly shining, powerful young woman and I would hate to see someone dampen that. That is all I will say on the matter, but I suggest you ask Ben about his past - especially his father.” 

 

With that, Luke turned back to his dinner and downed the rest of his beer in one fell swoop, and Rey knew the conversation was over. It felt as if she had been doused in ice water, and she was emanating a mixture of rage, sadness, and confusion. All of the searing heat that Ben had instilled in her earlier had been turned to icicles in her soul, and she shoved her full plate away from her and stalked to her room. 

 

~~~~

 

Ben had never talked to her much about his family. 

 

He was always, ALWAYS talking, but he rarely let Rey see vulnerable parts of himself - an arrangement she was quite comfortable with, truly. If he gave her pieces of his soul, she would have to do the same, and hers was so shattered and painful that dredging up the traumas she had been through was an exhausting, horrifying affair. She would rather lay curled under her covers well into the night, listening to Ben drone on and on about philosophy or wax poetic about space travel. He read her books and taught her about classical artists, made her playlists of music he liked, sang her songs in a shy baritone. He told her of his dreams, surreal and disjointed; they watched movies together over video chat. Sometimes when he was wandering through the forest behind his home he would call her and describe the flora and fauna to her, telling her their scientific names and medicinal uses, and she loved to listen to him speak. 

 

In exchange, Rey told him the non vulnerable stories about her times in orphanages and foster homes. She relayed hilarious stories about shenanigans and mischief she had gotten into over her years, told tales about stealing candy bars (but always leaving out the parts where the candy bars were the only thing she had eaten that week). He especially liked it when she talked about mechanics and building things: Rey was a fiddler, and she loved to take things apart and put them back together. It made her feel like she had control over the universe, that if things fell apart she would always know how to repair them, even if it was just nonsensical nuts and bolts in her hands. She told him excitedly about her fencing training with Luke, about how she liked to spar in the saber style best. Sometimes she would read to Ben, too: her favorites were exciting scifi adventures with rousing heroines. 

 

Ben promised to teach Rey calligraphy, and Rey swore to build him a new computer. They laughed at absurd jokes and argued hotly over conflicting life philosophies (Ben was a bit too much of a fatalist for Rey’s liking, at times), but never did they touch on the chasms within their hearts. 

 

And it had never bothered Rey. It was like a giant, gray bubble - one that if both of them ignored they would never have to puncture. Until now. 

 

Luke’s words had lifted the curtains on a surreal feeling - a realization that Rey didn’t know the young man who was the target of her burgeoning affection well at all. But… didn’t she? Did the past really make someone who they were? She had been living in her own past for years, wondering desperately why her parents would just discard her, why her foster homes blackened her eyes and hurt her in a thousand different ways she could not speak (not yet, at least), but her time with Luke was helping her blossom into a version of herself she liked much, much better. But was it her time with Luke… or her time with Ben?

 

She _knew_  there was darkness in him - she had sensed it the first time she met him, felt it emanating from him like angry tendrils as he bore down on her in the kitchen, eyes alight with fury. But his anger didn’t scare her - it didn’t scare her like the anger from other’s had. Beneath his anger was pain, and fear, and insecurity. She understood that, understood it like looking into a dark mirror. 

 

So if she had this true insight into the soul of this tortured young man… did his past matter at all? 

 

Rey reached up and balled her small hands in her glossy brown hair in frustration, curling into a small form on her bed, her mind burning with questions. This was all too much, _so_  much… Why did this stupid, scared, dark boy have so much power over her?! 

 

_PING_

 

A chime from her pocket made her snap her head to attention, and suddenly she remembered what had transpired before that maddening conversation with Luke. Oh, shit. 

 

Within moments her heart was taking up so much space in her throat she felt she couldn’t breathe, and with shaking hands she pulled her phone out of her pocket to a message from Ben. 

 

(8:37) _I… see._

 

He saw?! What did that mean?! He saw her boobs? He understood that she had a crush on him too?! Did he even have a crush on her or was he just a horny teenage boy using a sad and vulnerable and lonely teenage girl?! Rey wanted to scream, but nothing had ever been accomplished through anger, and she swallowed the sound down and glowered at her phone, thumbs hovering above the keypad. 

 

After a moment of consideration, Rey set her phone aside and pulled her laptop towards her.

_Calling DarthDarcy_

 

The familiar chiming filled her ears, and she sighed, feeling slightly calmer already. She could talk to Ben, she could learn what she needed to know. They talked about everything all the time - why were the hard and painful things any different? 

 

Within moments, Ben had popped back up on her computer screen. He was still shirtless, with mussed up hair and a slight pink tinge to his complexion. His pupils were blown out, and he was staring at Rey with a cautious amount of lust and something else - a lurking want that Rey chose not to acknowledge right at that very moment.

 

“Hi, Ben.” She said softly, offering him a small smile. He returned it in earnest, his eyes crinkling and his face splitting into the silliest grin she had ever seen him make. “Hello, Rey.” His voice was dripping with desire, and despite herself a thrill coursed through her veins. 

 

“How… are you?” Rey asked awkwardly, immediately mentally facepalming. What was she doing?! 

 

That one simple, innocuous question seemed to pull Ben back to reality and the smile vanished from his face, the open want in his eyes slammed shut like a metal door. “I’m _fine_. How are _you?”_  There was an angry edge to his voice that made Rey wary: she needed to tread very, very lightly. 

 

“I’m… okay.” Rey ventured gently, trying to deepen their eye contact through the screen. “I had a rather upsetting conversation with your uncle at dinner.” 

 

Ben furrowed his brow and a flash of fear danced across his face before it was replaced by anger. He straightened up, all defiance and fury. “Oh, let me _guess_ , my wonderful Uncle told you to stay the fuck away from me.” 

 

As hard as she tried to keep her face serene, Ben _knew_ her, and whatever crossed her features was not what he wanted to see. He somehow deflated while still remaining like a puffed up cat, ready to attack, to defend, to _hurt_. 

 

“It’s fine, I knew this day would come. Goodbye, Rey.” And then he disconnected their video chat. 

 

“What? No!” Yelled Rey, but the connection was already closed. She frantically began to call him back, her heart impossibly big and fast in her chest, racing like a rabbit being chased by a snake. _Oh please no no no, Ben come back._

 

On the third try he picked up, and his eyes were red. “WHAT?!” He bellowed across the internet at her, but for all of his loud noise Rey knew that inside he was just a scared boy… and he did not frighten her. 

 

“Don’t go, Ben. I’m not going to leave you.” She leaned towards the screen, willing him to see the truth in her eyes. “I said I would keep you safe. That means your heart. I will keep your heart safe.” 

 

He paused, stock still, staring at her wildly, desperately searching her pixelated eyes. His shoulders suddenly sagged, and his chin hit his chest. He suddenly looked so much younger than his 19 years, hugging his broad body with muscular arms. “Rey, I’m a monster. No one can save me.”

 

An unbidden snort escaped Rey, and Ben’s head snapped up to stare at her with fiery eyes. 

“You’re not a monster, Ben. If you were, I would know. I’ve…” Rey’s voice lowered to a whisper and she averted her eyes. “I’ve known monsters Ben. I’ve known the boogeyman that hides in your closet and comes out to hurt you when you pretend to be asleep.” A single tear traveled down her freckled cheek, and she swiped at it impatiently, looking back at Ben who was now listening to her enraptured. “You’re playing at being a monster, but you’re not monster… not to me.”

 

Awe overtook his features for a moment and he released a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. “You don’t know what I’ve done, Rey.”

 

“I want to know.” She promised him, her eyes open.

 

“You won’t talk to me anymore if you know. You’ll leave me. You say you won’t, but you will.” His voice lowered. “Everyone always does.”

 

That made anger flare in her, and she clapped her hands together to get his attention. “You have _no_  right to say that to me, BEN SOLO. You have a MOTHER. You have an UNCLE. You are safe, and loved, and I…!” A sob caught in her throat and she angrily pushed tears from her eyes with her hand. “My family  _abandoned_ me! They left me on the door step at a fire department! I don’t even know who they _are!_ I have always been alone, ALWAYS! I have been nothing but a government check to every single person in my life, nothing but the weird girl who takes apart things at school, alone, alone, ALONE!” The tears were coming freely now and she didn’t even bother to try to wipe them away; her face was splotchy with crimson blossoms. 

 

“Every time I looked in the mirror and saw the bruises on my body from the people who “took care of me”, I felt more alone. Every time I let go of my own mind and floated in blissful space - ALONE - while men’s heavy bodies were atop of me, I remembered how there was only me, would only ever be me.” She stared at him, tears and snot flowing down her face, and realized Ben was wide eyed with unspilled wetness in his own eyes as he listened to her. “And then…” A shuddering sob wracked through her small frame and she pulled her knees up to her chest. “And then, Ben, I met you.”

 

He cried then, reaching towards the screen, tears making tracks down his long face. 

 

“I met you, Ben, and I wasn’t so alone. Because you see me, really see ME. You…” She couldn’t continue, and buried her face in her knees and wept.

 

A beat of silence later, Ben’s deep voice came through her speakers, shaky but confident. “I see you, Rey. I see the fierce, brilliant little thing that you are, as resilient as a tulip bulb and as beautiful as its bloom. I love your spirit - a spirit that can cut through the pain I always knew you held… but I… I didn’t know-“ His voice caught, and she raised her face to look at him. He took a breath to steady himself. “I didn’t know… how bad it was. I didn’t know… how much.”

 

Rey laughed bitterly, wryly. “Oh, you don’t even know the half of it.”

 

His features twisted in pain at that admission, and again his hand reached to her. “I want to see you. I need to hold you.” 

 

“I want to see you too, Ben.” 

 

And then they cried together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our poor little bbys :-(  
> Comments make me write faster <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV! I really enjoyed writing from his point of view because I feel like I have a deeper understanding of him as a character considering I spend the majority of my time thinking about him.... oops.  
> THERE IS SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER. Enjoy. ;-)

Burgeoning bird song awoke a slumbering, dark haired youth who was tangled up in black sheets. Sun did not penetrate his fortress of darkness, but even the heaviest curtains could not keep out the merry tunes of morning birds. Groaning, Ben shoved a pillow over his head, gritting his teeth - why did birds have to be so damned  _loud?_  Slowly, consciousness returned to him, and a jolt of panic and intensity flew through him just as soon as he  _realized_. 

 

Trying not to make too much noise, he slid the pillow from his head and peered to the side, cheek upon the blood red silk sheets of his bed. There she was - on the computer screen, dawn coloring her with beautiful hues of pink and orange. She was sleeping soundly, her face peaceful, her chest rising and falling in gentle breaths as she faced her computer, one arm thrown around it loosely as if it were an actual person. Ben felt the oxygen still in his lungs. She was  _exquisite._

Ever so carefully, he turned onto his side as well, resting his cheek upon one of his large and calloused palms. He scooted closer to his laptop and drank in Rey's image, completely in awe of what he was seeing. She looked angelic: bathed in the light of morning, her chocolate hair spread around her face in wild tendrils. One of her small hands was balled up against her chest, a content yet exhausted half smile on her face as she slumbered on. 

 

Oh, how he longed to reach out to touch her, to push her tresses from her freckled cheeks, to whisper filthy things in her ears and dust kisses along her jawline. Ben felt his arousal shoot through him at that thought, and he half cursed this confusing intersection between adoration and desperate desire: sometimes it was hard to discern what was leading him. But wasn't that how it was with everything with them? Their anger turned to fondness in a breath's time, venom into honey, tears into laughter. They brought the extremes out of one another but somehow it complimented them, and he was utterly taken by it. 

 

Ben had never felt this sort of closeness to another human being in his life. The product of a broken, volatile marriage, the victim of extensive bullying due to his sensitive and artistic nature, his bizarre interests - they had all contributed to girls generally giving him a wide berth. Not that he had minded - Ben tended to be of a singular mind, paying most of his attention to creation, training, self discipline. If he threw himself into his art and projects, no one could hurt him or reject him, and thus that was the life he had lived for all of his 19 years. 

 

But last night... he remembered the waves of sorrow that flowed down his cheeks as he cried with another human, for the first time not only feeling but  _caring_ about another's pain, and he marveled at the power that this small strange girl had over him. She had run into his life as quickly as she darted across the fields at his uncle's farm, all wild sunshine and freckles and fierceness, and he was hopeless at her hand. She had owned his heart from the moment he laid eyes upon her, whether he acknowledged it or not. 

 

Slipping from his reverie while his eyes were still trained intensely on the screen before him, he noticed Rey's facial expression changing. Where before it had been serene, she suddenly began to frown, a line appearing between her eyebrows. "N-no..." She whimpered in her sleep, beginning to thrash. "Please, don't!" Both of her arms curled to her chest as she seized her body into the fetal position, howls of pain starting to emit from deep within her soul.

Ben panicked. "Rey!" He called to her, desperately, tapping at the microphone on his computer. "Rey, REY, wake up, wake up, WAKE UP!" 

She did, with a start, her eyes wild and white, rolling around in terror before she focused on the screen before her. The fear was overtaking her and she gasped wildly, holding her chest with flattened hands, staring at him and begging him for help with her eyes. Oh, gods, how he wanted to be able to wrap her in his arms right now! Anger flared within him - how could he care for her when his uncle was holding her hostage on his farm?

  
But before he was able to go down that particular path of anger, the horror in Rey's eyes abated and she began to cry in earnest, just as she had the night before. "I've never felt so alone." She sobbed, hysterical, hands clawing at the space in front of her computer screen.

"You're not alone." Ben assured her, his voice level. "You have me."

 

Her cries stilled at that, her breathing slowed down to a natural level, and she mimicked his pose - resting her cheek upon her hand and scooting closer to her computer. The tears were still flowing, but this time a growing expression of serenity blossomed across her features as she transcended the miles between them with just a single, long look from the endless pools of amber she called her eyes. He wanted to drown in her. 

 

They stared at each other for long minutes as they matched their breathing. Rey reached up and began to play with a tendril of her hair, still not breaking eye contact but emitting a shyness that had not been there before. Ben knew she was back here with him, as present as she could be without actually being alongside him.

"Good morning, Rey." He murmured quietly, and a soft smile hitched her brilliant features up. "Good morning, Ben." She breathed, whimsical and awed, and his heart ceased to beat for at least ten seconds. 

"I'm... sorry you had to see that." She apologized bashfully, averting her eyes from his. Ben had the strongest desire to reach out and seize her chin, to make her look at him, to kiss her into submission, but of course he could do none of those things while he was in his bed and she in hers. All he had right now were words and gestures, and he was going to make the most of them.

"Rey." His voice was gruff, commanding, and she immediately looked back at him, eyes questioning. "Never apologize to me for what you are. I accept you where others do not." There was a fire in his voice, and saying those words aloud sent another bolt of arousal through his body. He nearly rolled his eyes at that - why was he so broken as to be turned on by matter of fact adorations - but lest he dwell too long upon such things he instead focused on her incredible lips. 

 

She was wetting them with a cherry blossom tongue, and another pang of longing stabbed into his groin. Fuck, maybe that wasn't the right place to be paying attention to. His eyes darted back to her's, but the fire there did nothing to dampen the inferno inside of him. 

 

"Truly?" She asked, tentative but resolved. It was one of the things he adored the most about her: once she had made up her mind, there was absolutely no changing it. Stubborn little thing. 

 

"I wouldn't say something if it wasn't true." He quipped back at her, slight annoyance coloring his tone. But he wasn't annoyed... not really.

She chuckled at that, a melodic and beautiful sound, like bells chiming in the summer breeze. "Funny." She said. "I can recall many times you have said things to me that were certainly not true, if the way you're looking at me now is any indication."

Ben suddenly felt his ears burning, and he had a strong desire to close the laptop as punishment for her humiliation, but he refrained. He wanted to see this through - he couldn't abandon her now, not when she was so fragile, so raw. Not after the blister of pain he had seen in her last night. No, this was just Rey attempting to emulate the normal pattern they had: teasing, edges of cruelty, sarcasm. That was safe. She felt threatened by this intimacy. So did he. But he wasn't going to let her put those walls back up. He wanted to tear them down to their foundations and lay waste to them, to spread her open before him for the taking, for her to reach inside of him and wrench out all the poison until they were born anew in one another's embrace. 

 

His breath caught in his throat, and he stared heavy and hard through the screen at her. "Rey." He said, commandingly, and he saw her tense up, curious and cautious. "Take your shirt off."

She turned the most delightful shade of pink he had ever seen, a shade that even challenged the colors streaming in through her bedroom window, and her indignant stutter made his boxers too tight. "Ben!" She protested, hiding her face in her hands.

"What?" He asked, attempting to sound cool and calculated when inside of him was a raging tempest. "You did this to me last night - aren't we at this level now?"

Rey squeaked, and the sound brought him more satisfaction than he had felt in quite some time. He loved knowing that she was wrapped around his finger, that a woman so bright and powerful was submitting to him through words alone. "Take. Off. Your. Shirt."

Every word was a command - like the sound of a whip cracking - and at each syllable Rey's hands pushed her pale blue tanktop up her stomach. She wasn't making eye contact with him, but just as the fabric reached the bottom of her breasts, she turned to him, defiant. Sitting up, she held eye contact and pulled the shirt off over her head, challenging him brazenly. That was his girl.

He didn't break eye contact for a long moment, but the allure of her perfect breasts was entirely too much for Ben and his dark eyes drank her in, running over her modest curves. Her breasts were small and pert, with perfect dark brown nipples that he longed to lick and squeeze and... fuck. This was getting dangerous. 

"You're perfect." He said, matter of factly, and Rey quirked a sarcastic eyebrow. "Oh,  _thanks_ , Mr. Romantic." She quipped at him, and his features immediately softened. "No, Rey... you're  _perfect._ " 

She relaxed then, shoulders falling, her breasts hanging heavy on her rib cage. He sat up, too, tilting his computer so it showed his entire upper half - angry red scars and all. "God, Rey, you have no idea how long I've wanted to see you like this."

Color flooded her cheeks and chest, and she ducked her head. "Pervert." She muttered, but he could tell she wasn't actually angry. 

  
"You're the one who asked me to take my shirt off first." He stated, and he knew she couldn't argue with that as she waved a dismissive hand. "Well?" She asked, bemused. "Now what? Are you just going to ogle my boobs all morning?"

A deep chuckle erupted from within Ben, and he smiled at her ever so slightly. "As pleasant as that sounds..." He trailed off, leveling his gaze on her through the webcam. "Touch yourself."

A flash of emotions seized Rey but they ended in helplessness - she truly was at his mercy now. The realization went straight to his cock, and he felt it straining desperately at his underwear. 

"How?" She whined, putty in his hands. "How should I touch myself?"

"Play with your nipples." He commanded, and immediately her dexterous hands leapt to her chest and began to roll and pinch the brown peaks between her fingertips. Ben felt like he couldn't breathe - he had never seen something so arousing in his life - and he moved his hand down below his naval, pulling his cock out of his boxers: just below the camera's view. 

"Yes, like that. Good girl, my good, beautiful girl." He crooned encouragement to her and Rey's face distorted in pleasure, breathy whimpers coming from her as she squeezed and pinched at her milky breasts. Ben's hand began to work its way up and down his cock, and Rey froze.

 

_Shit._

"Ben, what are you doing?"

Despite himself, despite the control he felt he had over the situation, a heavy shock of shame coursed through Ben's body, and he stiffened, staring at her with cautious eyes. "You know what I'm doing, Rey." His voice seemed confident despite his momentary paralysis. 

 

She started moving her hands over her chest again, and this time one of them started slowly making its way down her muscular stomach.  _Fuck. Was this really happening?_ "Have you..." A breathy sigh of her own making interrupted Rey's question as her hand moved out of sight, and all Ben wanted in that moment was the ability to readjust the laptop camera with his mind. "Have you... done  _that_  to the thought of me before?"

Another bolt of lightning hit Ben at that inquiry, and he groaned audibly. "Yes, Rey. So many times. Every night. Every night for  _months_."

Her breath hitched and she stared at him, eyes glassy, her hand under the waistband of her leggings moving furiously. "Me too." She whimpered, sounding pained - but he knew it wasn't pain she was experiencing. 

Desperately, the two of them stared at each other on their screens. Their moans and gasps combined into a brilliant cacophony as Ben's hand pumped up and down and Rey's fingers worked herself furiously. They chanted each other's names like they were religious mantras, a desperate keening that went through into the other's core. 

"Please, please, please god  _please_  Rey." Ben found himself gasping right as he was on the cusp of release, and she shoved her leggings and laptop down just enough so he could see how desperately she was touching herself for him - and in that moment he experienced the most mind numbing release he had ever felt in his life. 

She leapt off the edge too, as she sobbed his name desperately, hips twitching, fingers stilling. 

Several long minutes passed as they came down from the peaks they had climbed so desperately together, and both Ben and Rey resumed their early positions: laying down on their sides, staring at one another. Ben's cum was drying on his stomach but he did not care, for leaving for even just a moment was too long to be without this enchanting creature on the screen before him.

"Oh,  _Ben._ " Rey sighed at him, a hint of awe and confusion tinging the edges of her voice. "That was...  _amazing_."

Ben hated to smile, but he felt a grin splitting his face despite himself. Fuck, she would be his ruin.

"Yes, my love, it was." 

"Oh, so I'm your love now?" She asked, a bite that wasn't really there in her tone.

"Yes." Sighed Ben. "I think so."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Positive reinforcement (cough cough comments) are my life blood and make me write faster. Thank you for reading, I love all of you to pieces <3

**Author's Note:**

> GOD DAMMIT LUKE YOU COCK BLOCK.
> 
> Comments make me write faster. ;-)


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